In Western culture, where rampant consumption and consumerism abound, where do we draw the line? The newest “thing” or “trend” is often a “need” rather than a “want.” The drive to own “stuff,” ends up owning us. Dopamine released in our brain helps reinforce our consumeristic behaviors. What once was a survival strategy, now works against you, not for you. Defining your own “value of enough” can have positive mental and financial benefits in your life.
A truly rich man can afford everything in a mall, but walks out with nothing.
-Unknown
Find your way around:
Definition of “Enough“
The Merriam-Webster dictionary says the definition of enough is “in or to a degree or quantity that satisfies or that is sufficient or necessary for satisfaction.” This is a good start but it doesn’t fully do it justice. The way in which we view “enough” will depend greatly on our values and where each of us is at in life.
What is the meaning of “enough”?
We spend money to solve almost all of our problems. The idea of “enough” often does not come into the equation. A consumeristic society bases happiness on always having the newest trendy thing. This leads to a perpetual spiral of dissatisfaction, while never developing true satisfaction.
Why does defining “enough” seem to go against our instincts?
It is not just you. We are biologically wired to consume. It has kept us alive over the millennia. It has allowed our ancestors to survive harsh environmental conditions.
Dopamine Survival Strategy and Spending
Historically, dopamine was released into the brain when humans found a new hunting technique, a good shelter that increased survival, and when having sex. Dopamine intensifies memories, which helped our ancestors survive.
Dopamine molecule
However, our brains do not realize how fast our society has advanced. Our environment has changed rapidly over the last 100 years, whereas our brains have used the dopamine survival strategy for the last 2 million years.
Now we have access to almost anything at our fingertips. We can make a purchase on our phones with just 1 click. Our biology uses the dopamine survival strategy to keep us alive, but this is turned against us when it comes to purchases.
Each purchase gives us a small hit of dopamine, which is why we feel good immediately following any purchase. However, this soon wears off, and we find ourselves perhaps wondering why we purchased that item in the first place. Scientists call this the “hedonic treadmill”, where we attempt to fill emotional needs in our life through material possessions, but the material objects always come up short in the end.
Comparison is the thief of joy
Constantly comparing appearances and possessions to others will not lead to happiness. This is not immediately obvious. Comparison inevitably leads to disappointment. Disappointment leads to spending to relieve feelings of inadequacy.
“Keeping up with the Joneses”
The standard life script is to get a college degree, get married, buy a house in the suburbs, and a car, among other things.
Attempting to keep up with your neighbors will only lead to deep dissatisfaction. It will also keep you in debt for the majority of your precious time on this planet. Worrying about the neighbors granite countertops and how you only have butcher block is irrelevant. Your “value of enough” may be very different from their “enough”.
Take the car for example…
Wanting to have a nicer car because all your neighbors do will not make your neighbors appreciate you more. It will also not improve your social status with them as well. Sure it will look good for a few years, and make you happy for a temporary amount of time. However, eventually the new car smell will fade and it will look like it is time for a newer shinier car.
This cycle will repeat itself until you find that at 40, you can’t “live” without the newest high end luxury car. Where your 20 year old college self got around just fine using public transport, a bike, or a older used but functional car. Then there is the financial drain that will continue with ever larger and longer car payments. This debt becomes both a mental and financial burden.
Friendships, bought or built?
True friends and relationships will not be based on stuff. Material possessions are great, but if a relationship is based solely on material goods, it is doomed to fail. This is because there is nothing substantial behind the relationship.
We had a good relationship with a co-worker that overtime became a true friendship. There was never any material aspect to this friendship. We started hanging out outside of work, first at company sponsored events, then spontaneously at non-work related events.
We worked out together, I helped him change the oil in his car, and he turn helped us move in to our new place, expecting nothing in return. Friendships should grow organically like this, through shared interests and desires, rather than forced through increasing material possessions to improve your status in another persons eyes.
Looking Internally instead of Externally
Seek happiness from within, rather than from external sources. This is easier said than done, but here are some options to get you started. You can gain this through joining a gym, getting a pet, joining a church, or starting a yoga or meditation practice.
Your mind and body
Meditation and yoga are Eastern traditions that have helped me in the past. These two traditions are meant to train the mind to focus on calming the thoughts that pass through our minds every day, or preparing the body for meditation.
Both of these are great for the mind and the body, and if they can help me, they certainly can help you! Whatever you choose, starting a small practice will help you start to seek happiness from within, rather than from external sources, of which purchasing material goods is a part of.
Gratefulness
Incorporating gratefulness into your daily life is another way to start this journey. Each morning right as you wake up, think of all the things in your life that you are grateful for. This could be anything from your job, to your family and friends, to simply being alive.
“Day by day we are born as night retires, no more possessing aught of our former life, estranged from our course of yesterday, and beginning today the life that remains.”
4th century Greek poet Palladas
Values and Spending
The big questions are: What are your values? Where do you spend your money? Your “value of enough” might be very different from others.
Defining your values may be tricky, but there is no one right answer to this question. For instance, our values are making memories through experiences, eating healthfully, and saving for our future. We spend more in these categories than others might because they bring us joy and add to the fullness of our life.
You may value providing a permanent home for your family, choosing to purchase a house rather than rent. You may value time with family and friends, so the porch re-do provides a welcoming space for this to occur. Defining your “value of enough” is crucial to aligning your spending with your values, whatever they may be.
Aligning Spending with Values
Scrimping on everything can help get you to Financial Independence sooner. However, this can lead to feelings of deprivation, that life is on hold for now until you reach your number. Instead, we choose to align our spending with our values.
Spending less on things that don’t align with your values, and more where it does. This will ensure you do not have feelings of “deprivation”, rather you have feelings of “inspiration”, because you are spending on things that truly align with your values.
Being content with your purchase
The trick is that after the purchase has been made you should continue to feel good about the money you spent. If you donate to a charity, typically this good feeling lasts because your money is going to help a worthy cause.
If you have a payment plan either through a credit card or loan for a purchase that you made, every time you make a payment ask if that item is still providing you joy?
Hint: If you can’t remember what you are paying for, this may be a sign that those purchases do not fit in with your “value of enough.”
The “30 Day” Test
A great way to start finding your “value of enough”, is to use the 30-day test. When going to buy something that is not an essential, put the item on your list and then wait 30 days. Come back after 30 days and if you truly still need the item, then purchase it. But if you have forgotten about the item, or found that you don’t need it, then remove it from the list.
This can greatly cut down on impulse purchasing that sites like Amazon rely on. How many times have you regretted a purchase, but when you decide to return it you realize you are getting no real refund because of shipping?
Using the 30 day rule can help you reduce or eliminate these type of purchases. Avoiding those that only bring fleeting joy from dopamine, followed by regret and increased mental bandwidth needed to maintain the new shiny thing.
Weekly purchase day
While some items you may not be able to wait till a month has passed to purchase, try choosing a day of the week instead. For instance, say we pick Saturday as our online shopping day! Throughout the week as you think of those urgent needs, don’t click buy right away. Move them to your wait-list and come back on Saturday.
Now when Saturday rolls around you can save on shipping of multiple packages. Also, you can see the total amount that you are going to spend on “urgent” needs all at once. Maybe that popcorn maker that you needed on Tuesday is no longer essential. This can shift to your monthly list. Maybe you realize that $100 is your cap for the week and all necessary items other than groceries must fall under this amount.
Finding your “Enough”
Finding your own value of “Enough” occurs when you align your spending with your values, and realize that it is OK to let go of the desire to seek the approval of others. For most people, this will not be easy. It will be a process. You will likely “slip up” many times. That is OK. It is a part of the process. But before every purchase, whether in store or on-line, ask yourself “Does this purchase align with my values”? Seek happiness from within and from the things you create, rather than from external sources, like purchasing ‘things’ and consuming.
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